one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
