Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
