feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
