I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I am midnight drunk by noon
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My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
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TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair