I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
