Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
