I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
