I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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