Whod you bang
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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