I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
