Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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