Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
home. puking in laundry basket.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
