sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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