Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
