I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
