Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Apparently you make a good broom.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
