how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
