We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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