I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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