You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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