I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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