one might say we're banned from that church
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
