you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
