We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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