i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
