I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
