Whod you bang
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
