i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
