how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize