Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
