good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
