I puked a lego.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
