I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
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In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
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It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize