so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
