Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
