A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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