We won't sleep together?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
