Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
