nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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