She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
