Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
