Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
