I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
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He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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