and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
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