omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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