She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
