So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
