Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
