I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
