remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
