Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
