my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
