I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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