six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He did a backflip because drugs
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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