So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
