Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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