it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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