drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
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Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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