we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
