We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
