so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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