He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
