How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
