I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
