His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
