Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
