when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
