Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
