this beer tastes like vomit already
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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