I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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