i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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